Happy Friday my dears! I’m excited to end the first full week of 2015 with the return of The Kind of Woman – the series Jeanne and I started where we hoped we could talk with you about issues that surround modern womanhood. It all started with defining the women we aspire be in today’s crazy world. Next we discussed the never ending quest for balance. For our first post of 2015, we wanted to tackle a topic we suspected many of you can also relate to –perfectionism.

There are a litany of ways to describe a perfectionist. Type A. Control freak. Scorpio {at least in my case!}. I think I was defined as an overachiever by about age six. It plagued me in adolescence – made me the butt of jokes and I often felt like a bit of an outsider at school. As I got older, that “overachiever-ness” began to serve me in very tangible ways – college scholarships, exciting jobs in my early career and good opportunities in my twenties. If there was the chance to bust my ass, I took it. But there comes a time where all that self-inflicted pressure begins to feel less like a asset and more like a burden.

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At some point perfectionist-tendencies can shift from being a beneficial attention-to-detail mindset to being a coping mechanism. How do you separate between perfectionism and micromanagement? If left unchecked, the predilection can turn into a debilitating set of expectations that can actually hinder your ability to be productive. I’m the first to admit that my perfectionism has been a great to tool for hiding insecurities and fear of failure.

Perfectionism is also an excellent tool for masking the feeling of being in way over your head. Interestingly, that nagging anxiety that you don’t really know what you’re doing or you’re not actually as talented as you’re given credit for has been given a name – impostor syndrome – and apparently it affects women more than men. I know it certainly plagues me – which in turns fuels the need to have more to prove. A never-ending and less than healthy cycle. {I feel a future post about insecurity and guilt coming on!}

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But the biggest issue I’ve discovered with perfectionism is that you put measurement of your own self-worth into other people’s hands. You come to rely on those external accolades and acknowledgments to feel valued and validated. In a way, the trait that once left you feeling in control and powerful, has actually left you powerless.

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Sadly, I feel the blogosphere only contributes to the plight of perfectionism these days. Our wonderful online world that has connected us to so many amazingly talented people, also encourages comparison and self criticism. And as the myriad of ways to share our perfectly styled lives has grown {I still can’t believe Instagram didn’t exist and I wasn’t on Twitter or Facebook in my first three years of blogging – can you even imagine it!!}, I think it’s only gotten worse. What once felt like one of the most encouraging, supportive and close knit communities I’d ever come across, these days feels like a rat race where we’re all sprinting toward the same finish line {Yet another post on how women can better support one another could be coming up!}.

So I think it’s worthwhile to ask ourselves – how can we strive for excellence without being paralyzed by an unattainable definition of “a great life”?

For me – the answer lies in shedding external perceptions of what success looks like and instead taking the time to reflect on what should truly matter to me most. What do I value? Where do I really find meaning? What will continue to help me grow into the kind of woman I want to be? Sure, I take great pride in professional successes, but this year I want to step away from the idea that everything has to be firing at all cylinders All.The.Time. Instead, I’d like to tally my accomplishments by the number of friends I reconnect with this month. Or the way I make people feel after I leave the room. Or the affect I have on my soon-to-be kid!

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What do you think? Do you struggle with perfectionism? How do you cope with it? Do you find it helpful to hold yourself to hopeful aspiration or do you find it more fulfilling to embrace imperfections? For now, this quote is really speaking to me…

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Be sure to head over to Shop Sweet Things to get Jeanne’s take! We’re really interested to hear what you think too.

 

original photography for apartment 34 by belathee photography // quote via Note to Self

what i’m wearing: leather biker jacket {similar here} // dries van noten tank {similar here} // 7 for all mankind jeans // marisa haskell necklace // ray-ban aviators 

What do you think?

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13 Comments

  1. Can I use the “praise” emoji online? Because I love EVERYTHING about this post – it rings so true and is full of fabulous, often necessary reminders. Thank you, Erin!

    1. I’m so glad you liked it Abby! Seems like the perfect time for a little reflection, no?

  2. I think your blog is the best I’ve ever seen and you have such wonderful tastes in addition to being a beautiful woman.

    1. Thank you for those really sweet words Anne. They made my day!!

  3. Wonderful post Erin! Love the quote. You should write and reflect on this again in one year– after baby! I’m a entreneurial mom of two and a perfectionist. It changes!

    1. I can only imagine Tina – just a few more months until I find out!

  4. Excellent article, timely reflections for us all… VERY profound.. I find that forgiving myself for not being perfect, has been the hardest and yet most gratifying task of my life…Thank you

  5. This post really spoke to me. With a lot of similarities to my life it was really great to hear someone else’s perspective on a trait that can truly be a blessing and a curse. Thank you!

  6. Definitely dangerous to allow others to dictate our feelings of self-worth, but such a natural thing to do, as well – both on and off line! So important to take a step back and realize that we are ENOUGH (and will never be perfect).