Real Talk, Real Moms: The Holidays

Personal Style

It’s been a little while since we’ve had some mom talk around here. But the Real Talk, Real Mom series is still going strong. As a first-time mom, I’ve loved participating in these posts because I learn so much from all the other women involved – and from everyone who comments! I’m sure this time around will be no different. This edition’s topic is all about family traditions. With the holidays quickly creeping up we felt it timely. How do you create your own family traditions? How do you navigate that extended network of kin? What do you want your child to associate with the holiday season? Not exactly the easiest of things to figure out!

The pic above, though not necessarily holiday-season related, does speak to the formation of family tradition. We’re currently on our first official family vacation in Hawaii – a family narrative I would love to continue!

But I have also started to think a lot about the holidays as this is the first year some of it will actually register for our little guy. From Halloween (do you trick or treat with an 18-month old?!) to Thanksgiving and the rest of the entire holiday season it’s now on me to create the sense of wonder, excitement, joy and celebration I so remember enjoying as a child. Having gotten relatively lazy about holiday traditions in the last few years sans baby (I think pizza was eaten on Christmas eve one year), I’m ready to fully invest this time around.

It helps that we have our new house to ground the creation of our own holiday traditions. I’ve always been very clear that Christmas is spent at home – our home. With blended families everywhere the eye can see, trying to visit all the extended relatives during the holiday season means you’re spending more time on the road then in anybody’s presence. That isn’t fun for anyone. Standing firm on that decision has certainly simplified the holiday equation.

So with negotiating the immediate needs of extended families off the table, the question becomes how do you create your own rituals? In my short time as a mom I have already discovered the power of storytelling. Our little guy loves to hear things recounted over and over. Books also help. I’m thinking this will be the first year we read The Polar Express.

But I’d love to hear from other, more seasoned parents. How did you go about creating holiday traditions with and for your littles? Will an 20 month old get the whole concept of Santa Claus? This is where I turn to you, experienced parents. I would so appreciate any and all advice you have for helping create a wondrous experience for our tiny human.

I’ll certainly be turning to the rest of the awesome moms in this series to get their advice. Check on their posts on this topic below.

A Daily Something / Ave Styles / Freutcake / Parker Etc / The Effortless Chic / Sacramento Street /

And if you haven’t checked out the Real Talk, Real Mom series yet, we’ve talked Sleep, Feeding,Travel, Career, Self-Care, Co-Parenting and Growing Your Family #realmomseries

Real Talk, Real Moms: Growing Your Family

Business of blogging

When you get to a “certain age” and haven’t had a baby, you constantly get the when-are you-going-to-have -kids question. Once you finally do pop out a tiny human, it seems the question of when you’re going to have your second comes even faster. That’s why we decided to tackle the topic of growing your family for the latest installment of our Real Talk, Real Moms column.

I have what I think might be a less common perspective on growing our family, or not growing it as the case may be. You see, I don’t think I want to add another baby to our midst. I think we are one and done. But people have very mixed opinions about that. Even I have mixed opinions now and again.

How do you know if you should have a second baby anyway? Lots of people say, well you don’t want to deny your child a sibling. And while yes, I agree – I never want to “deny” my child of any worthwhile experience, as my pediatrician explained: you do not want to have another baby for your existing child. That’s like getting a puppy in an attempt to save a relationship. Not a good idea. And while I look at friends’ babies and think oh, how cute, I have zero urge to go through it all again. Giving up my body to grow a tiny human, birthing said human and then right back into the sleepless nights, 1 million diapers and another year of breast feeding?? As I tip into my late 30’s, I’m feeling very done with that phase. Some people might call me selfish. I, in fact, struggle with guilt knowing I probably could get pregnant again but have literally no desire to. Now, I must caveat that I am only 15 months into this whole motherhood adventure and realize that my perspective could change…but I strongly doubt it.

Because we’re very happy as a family of three. It’s working quiet well for us and I find it nearly impossible to image adding someone else to the mix. Not to mention the trials and tribulations that seem to come from having two (or more) kids. I see the struggles plaguing friends with multiple kids over and over again. When you no longer out number the babies it can be really hard to keep the upper hand. I just do not feel up for that level of stress.

But when I start feeling very resolute about having my one and only, the rampant stigma about only children kicks in. It’s been around for literally hundreds of years. According to NPR, in 1907 the American Psychological Association called only children “sickly, selfish, strange and stupid… and that being an only child is a disease in itself.” It often feels like that opinion hasn’t changed much.

But there’s so much research out there showing that only children can in fact be well adjusted, high functioning members of society with strong social skills. I just discovered the book One and Only, The Freedom of Having an Only Child and the Joy of Being One – all about the raising of only children and I cannot wait to pick up a copy. For example, the book debunks the myth that only children are lonely. Sure, in some cases I’m sure some only children did feel lonely growing up. But as the author Lauren Sandler explains, “for a lot of only children, being alone is the experience of solitude, which is a very rich thing, instead of loneliness, which is a very painful thing.” Interesting, no?

An only child herself, Sandler also explains her own mother’s rationale for intentionally have just one child:

“My mother was deeply devoted to raising me. To have a happy kid, she figured she needed to be a happy mother, and to be a happy mother, she needed to be a happy person. To do that, she had to preserve her authentic self, which she could not imagine doing with a second child.”

I dig it. I dig it a lot. I strongly believe that being a very well-rounded adult will lead to raising well-rounded children.

So there you have it. I don’t know if this minor diatribe was in anyway helpful to anyone else considering whether or not to grow their families. This is just one woman’s take. But I appreciate the opportunity to share it with you. Anyone else out there struggle with these decisions? I would love to hear your experiences.

I also can’t wait to see what all our other mamas have to say on this very hot subject. You can read all of their stories by clicking on the links below.

Ave Styles / Could I Have That / Parker Etc / The Effortless Chic / Sarah Sherman Samuel / The Life Styled / Sacramento Street / Sugar & Charm / The Refined Woman

And if you haven’t checked out the Real Talk, Real Mom series yet, we’ve talked Sleep, Feeding, Travel, Career, Self-Care and Co-Parenting. #realmomseries

Real Talk Real Moms: Co-Parenting

Personal Style

Today I’m excited to jump back into our Real Talk, Real Moms series. It’s been a little bit since I’ve tackled the parenthood topic. A few bouts of teething and the accompanying severe sleep deprivation left me rather drained. But this edition’s topic – coparenting – or more specifically – how you negotiate who does what with your partner is something I think about a lot.

I recently read a Washington Post article that said American parents have higher expectations of themselves than any previous generation. That certainly rings true to me. We have to be attentive, we have to be present, we have to be supportive, we have to foster personal growth, emotional intelligence, regular intelligence, physical aptitude, academic achievement – all without leaving our littles with lasting family of origin issues. Oh and we also have to have successful careers, blissful marriages, stunning homes, amazing social lives and rockin’ bodies.

Don’t worry, I got this.

Being an enlightened post-feminist woman, long before having kids I was very clear I wasn’t interested in the archaic gender-based divisions of labor. But when reality strikes, it can be a little hard to put that vision into practice. When you’re at home with two working parents, commutes, dogs, home renovations, moves, career upheavals – a lot can get in the way of your best intentions. But all kidding aside, it was really important to me that divisions of parental responsibility be reasonably equal. While I certainly can’t claim to have things figured out, we have come across a few solutions that work well for us.

Be in it together. From the very beginning we approached parenting as an equal partnership. For example, during middle-of-the-night feedings, Chris changed the diaper, I nursed & he slept, then he put the baby back to sleep and I slept. Since I was exclusively breast-feeding and we didn’t do a lot of bottles, Chris was on diaper duty. We took turns putting the baby down for naps. We did baths all together. The support was amazing. In fact, I can’t imagine doing it any other way.

However, I’m also the first to admit that the be-in-it-together model worked best when we were both on parental leave. And having a husband who enjoyed eight weeks of leave was a real luxury. Don’t even get me started on parental benefits in this country. That’s an entirely other diatribe. But I do think that the habits we set up in the early weeks helped as returned to the reality of day to day life.

Divide and conquer. We also split up responsibilities where it made sense. Since I was exclusively breast-feeding, Chris played point on diaper-changing duty. We alternated who put the baby back to sleep at nap time. These days, I do dinner prep & feeding, while the husband does bath & pajama time. And since I still handle a lot of baby duties, Chris has taken on other chores like feeding our dogs etc etc. It doesn’t always feel like a completely balanced workload, but clearly delineating the labor did make a difference. You don’t have to worry about who is volunteering for what or feel overly burdened. We’ve figured it out in advance.

I have also heard of parents that alternate responsibilities by day. On Saturday one parent is on point any time the baby cries, needs to be fed or needs a diaper change. On Sunday it’s the other partner’s turn. That gives each adult a bit of a mental break. It’s not that they completely ditch out, but you no longer have to negotiate who’s turn it is to do what. That can be a refreshing feeling. I’m definitely intrigued by the concept and am seriously considering trying it, especially now that Carter is way more active.

Be flexible. Sometimes exhaustion gets the best of us and we really need a break. There were times when I took every middle of the night shift because I knew my husband would be a better person the next day. Or there have been mornings when I just cannot drag myself out of bed and Chris has spelled me so I can get a bit of extra sleep. Sometimes people have to work late and miss the bedtime routine. Or you really want a girl’s night out. The key is to recognize the exception and do your best to be present and supportive of your partner the next time. Just acknowledging the extra effort goes a really long way.

But above all else, the hard and fast rule I’ve learned in my first year of parenting is there are no hard and fast rules. And even with this mindset things are still tough. We struggle with resentment and feeling like one or the other isn’t pulling their weight. And just when we feel like we’ve found a good routine the kid up and changes everything on us. Teething. New sleep schedule. A sudden growth spurt.

Little bugger.

And that brings me to my fourth key to co-parenting.

Over-communicate. Make your needs and expectations known. Ask for help when you need it. Overly voice appreciation and gratitude. Your sanity & well-being requires a united front. This can often be the hardest thing to do because of the exhaustion and stress parenthood can bring, but it’s by far the most important. This is what can save relationships.

With the thousands of years of parenting throughout the course of human history, you think there’d be a quintessential dummies’ guide to all of this by now. And while there are literally thousands of titles on the subject, it seems there’s no silver bullet to mastering modern parenting. You just have to find the formula that works for your family and your lifestyle.

Do you have any hot tips on how to share the parenting load? I can’t wait to check out what the rest of the mamas in today’s post had to say on the subject. Be sure to check them out!

A Daily Something / Ave Styles / Our Style Stories / Parker Etc / The Effortless Chic / Sarah Sherman Samuel / The Life Styled / Sacramento Street / Sugar & Charm

And catch up on the entire Real Talk, Real Moms series HERE

photography by belathee

Real Talk with Real Moms: Self Care

Personal Style

It’s be awhile since our last Real Moms, Real Talk update. Now that my little guy is almost a year (whoa), I feel like I’ve learned a thing or two about this being a woman with a kid stuff. For this installment of our series the topic is Self Care. And I’m confident all you moms out there can attest, self care is hard, if not nearly impossible in the first year.

Energy for the gym? Not when you’re waking up 3+ times a night. A day at the spa? Not when you’re breastfeeding and slave to the pump. Squeezing in a manicure? Not when only 20 minutes of daily life is unscheduled.

Ok, ok, it’s not all doom & gloom. I have picked up a few fitness tips (pilates as much as you can & the 7-minute workout app, these exercises, these online classes & walk and walk and walk). And I do highly recommend you carve out time for a monthly massage to relieve mommy shoulders, get a pedicure or do whatever makes you feel good – your partner can babysit for an hour or two (does it drive anyone else crazy when the dad’s say that?! It’s called parenting! But I digress). But my definition of self care has shifted. Rather than worry about getting rid of my under-eye circles or covering my gray hair, I’ve gotten a lot more concerned about the state of my spirit.

If you thought you were busy sans tiny humans, having a kid throws an entirely new level of busy that can be so overwhelming. The schedule of parenthood feels a bit like living in the movie Ground Hog Day. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. Rinse. And repeat. But as I was recently reminded; if you’re too busy life will just rush on by. And I’ve never had a year feel so fast.

I happened to read this article this week and it really made me stop and think about how the busyness trap really drains your spirit – especially as a mom. The piece talks about Essentialism, or living a life of intentional purpose. As the article explains,

“At the core of our busyness addictions are needs for personal importance, to please others and to feel a sense of purpose, artificial though it may be.”

Me. To a capital T. When you add being a mom on top of being a modern woman in today’s 24/7 lean-in world, there are so many things you feel like you have to do. But again, as the article explains, we tend to intertwine who we are with our activities. And the constant need to be doing something to feel purposeful ultimately leads to draining our joy.

So my biggest lesson in self-care has been and will continue to be learning to say no to the things that are draining and dedicating real quality time for the things that fill my cup, many of which became grossly neglected in the past year. Another gem of a thought from the article:

“Hold fast to committed intentions and do not chase your sense of purpose in every opportunity that arises….Discover your worth in a purpose that contributes, not merely produces.”

I want to think more about the impact I can have everyday rather than what I can accomplish. How can I make both myself and those around me feel good?

Because what do they call parenthood? The longest shortest time? Otherwise known as a blur. These critical years will go by in a flash and if you loose yourself to the doing of the stuff, the errand running, the house cleaning, the diaper changing, laundry folding, deadlines and requests from others, you’ll hardly recognize yourself and have very little to show for it everything is said and done.

I’m just thankful I’m becoming wise to this trap now so that I can try to make a change. I realize it won’t be easy, but I can’t care for anyone else very well if I don’t care for myself first. I wish I could say I had a magic pill that teaches you how to stay lazer focused on those committed intentions (and loose the baby weight). For now I’m just going to try taking it one day at a time. A few easy changes are on my list:

– Call or text a friend everyday

– Go on weekly date nights

– Take some sort of class (fitness or otherwise) that doesn’t involve babies

– Be easier on myself – things will take more time to get done and that’s ok.

If I can get my spirit back this year, next year I can focus on my abs.

For the rest of our amazing Real Moms’ takes on Self Care, get to clickin’ below:

You can catch up on the rest of our Real Moms, Real Talk series, which has included discussion about Feeding, Travel & Work here!

photography by bess friday

Real Talk with Real Moms: Working

Business of blogging

I’m excited to be back with another installment of our Real Talk / Real Moms series. If you didn’t catch any of our posts from last fall, here’s the 10 second recap. A group of powerhouse bloggers that span the blogging world from coast to coast, who all also happen to have had babies in the last year or two decided to come together to talk challenges of motherhood. Thus far we’ve tackled Sleep, Travel and Feeding. It’s been SO interesting hear everyone’s different experiences and perspectives.

But I’m particularly excited about today’s topic. We’re jumping into one of the hottest issues out there right now – being a working mom. Whether you love to lean in or think that having it all is an urban myth, it’s virtually impossible not to have something to say about this topic. I certainly could go on ad nauseam. But for your sake, I will attempt to be succinct. Somewhat.

I find I often have a slightly different struggle with being a working mom then quite a few ladies I talk to. And my position might be a bit controversial, but oh well. Here we go.

You see I didn’t cry when I left my son and went back to work. I cried on my last day before maternity leave when I said good-bye to my office. Sure, I don’t always love that I spend less than three hours a day with my baby. But I’m not racked with guilt by it. I refuse to be. I ensure my time with him is dedicated and fully focused (aka phone free). I treasure each morning and evening. We do bath time, feeding, play games and read books. It’s lovely. But I’m also happy to hand him over to a wonderful caregiver as I head to the office. I know he’s in capable hands who’s purpose is to look after his well-being. That’s literally their only job. And they love their work just as much as I love mine. (It also helps that this Harvard Business School study shows that children of working moms are more likely to have successful careers and be better homemakers.)

I really love what I do. I get a lot of self-satisfaction, and to be perfectly candid, self-worth out of my work. My frustration with being a working mom does not lie in how it limits me at home. It lies in how career-limiting being a woman with children can be – or at least I have found it to be thus far.

For starters, my efficiency has totally decreased. Between getting to work much later than I used to and having to be out the door to relieve the nanny, I manage to check one, maybe two things off of my daily to-do list. Emails? At least a 72-hour minimum response time. The deluge is endless. This leaves me feeling totally ineffective.

I’ve also found that all of the professional momentum I was building prior to having a baby has stalled and I haven’t quite figured out how to get that engine revving again. The strict schedule, the sleep deprivation and all the time spent pumping does not align with the typical profile of the office overachiever. There are also really tangible disadvantages for working women with kids. No matter how supportive your workplace might be or how supportive a partner you might have, the biases are intrinsic. You will be perceived to be less committed. People will think that you don’t “work as hard as you used to” (even though you’r actually working 10x harder – on average I have 45 minutes of unstructured time a day – max). I actually read a scary stat recently. On average the salaries of women with children are 12% less than those of women without kids. This is not true for men. Just women. And it really pisses me off.

Do I think that the societal structures that set women up to be primary caregivers, that tend to prioritize male careers and devalue commitments to family are wrong and should be changed? Of course I do. But I don’t have illusions that it’s going to happen anytime soon. Instead I’m left trying to figure how I can feel like I’m being as effective at my job as I used to be (while still being a good mom of course).

I wish I could tell you that I’ve found the answer. Sadly, I haven’t. Sure I’m trying to be more efficient with my time (thanks to this power-mama’s post). Sure, I’m trying to cut myself some slack because I’ve only been back from maternity leave since September and Carter is only 9-months old, but I so badly want to lean in and feel like I’m a amazonian power woman doing absolutely everything, but I think I fall more in the Ann-Marie Slaughter camp. You might be able to have it all, but not at the same time.

Sorry, not quite so succinct.

But I’m dying to hear what the rest of the mamas have to say on this topic. Be sure to check out their posts by clicking the links below. And of course, I’d be thrilled to hear your thoughts (and advice!) in the comments.

image 1 via here, original photography for apartment 34 by suzanna scott

Real Talk with Real Moms: {Travel}

Travel

For our third and final installment of our inaugural series, Real Talk with Real Moms, we’re dishing about travel. As a travel lover, this topic was a particularly strong anxiety inducer before we had Carter. I swore up and down that I would never let having a child stand in the way of my jetsetting tendencies. When the couple with a six month old sat in the airplane seats behind us on our honeymoon and the child never made a peep {on a 4+ hour flight!}, I thought it was proof. Proof that you can simply proceed with your adventures as if nothing has changed. The couple were avid surfers who chased waves around the world. They told us all about how they’d traveled with their baby from day one and simply never let her cramp their style. It sounded perfect.

Now that the reality of mama-hood is upon me, I’m here to testify that the picture perfect scenario might be….maybe half true…

We’ve actually done a fair amount of traveling since having Carter, starting at five weeks in fact! {I was going so stir crazy at that point}. Sure, we haven’t headed off to Europe or even across the country, but we’ve gone on little weekend and sometimes week long getaways on a near-monthly basis. And yes, we have braved our first baby-on-a-plane experience and lived to tell the tale. While there have been a few bumps and some unmitigated disasters {our dinner out where I circled the block with a crying baby while my gourmet dinner went cold and I never even got to finish my wine}, I’ve definitely picked up a few tips and tricks that make traveling with your little a whole lot easier. Completely doable in fact.

While I could go on and on, I’ve attempted to narrow my learnings down to my “Top 10 Do’s and Don’ts for Traveling with an Infant.” I do hope you find them helpful:

1. Don’t overpack. Our first escape was a quick road trip up to Sonoma where we planned to stay four nights. I have never seen our car so packed with ~~crap~~ necessities. I had an entire bag of just baby clothes, brought half a dozen swaddle blankets, every burp rag we owned, a bag of toys {when Carter was five weeks old and didn’t even know toys existed}, all the diaper changing accoutrements. The baby monitor. The Sleep Sheep. You name it, it came with us. I ended up using so little of all that stuff. And yet somehow also still ended up doing laundry…but see #3 about that.

2. Do remember enough diapers. While I was prepared for every possible contingency during the afore-mentioned trip, I somehow miscalculated the number of diapers needed for five days so a 10:00 PM emergency trip to Walgreens was required. Not the end of the world, but if you a prefer a certain type of diaper, need a particular size or are not staying near civilization, it can throw a little cramp in your style. Bonus tip: don’t pack diapers. Order them on Amazon and have the shipped to wherever you are headed so they’re there when you arrive. This is particularly helpful for air travel!

3. Stay somewhere that has laundry. You definitely don’t want to overpack clothes or blankets or burp rags, but you also don’t want pack a ton of poop, puke or other bodily fluid-covered things back home with you. Your little will also invariably spit up on something you don’t own. So it’s quiet nice to be able to quickly strip the bed or throw the towels {or the only dress you brought with you} in the wash.

4. Do gate check your car seat and stroller. The car seat – stroller combo is a godsend at the airport. {I’m obsessed with both our Nuna stroller & car seat btw}. Our first plane trip started in the early morning so Carter fell asleep on the way to the airport. I simply clipped his car seat into the stroller and rolled him around everywhere. My purse and diaper bag went in the stroller basket while my carry-on when in the belly of the plane. Best $25 I ever spent. Carter barely woke up going through security and I didn’t have to carry him until we were actually stepping onto the plane. The stroller and car seat were then waiting for us on the jetway as we deplaned. So much easier! Can’t recommend it enough.

5. Don’t forget your sound machine. Having your white noise maker on hand helps your babe {and you} maintain more even sleep in unfamiliar environments. If you don’t want to pack up an actual sound machine there are great apps and even baby-sleep playlists on Spotify!

6. Don’t worry, Amazon can replace anything you lose. Did the binkie somehow manage to go bye-bye? Did you forget the favorite bedtime story in the rental car? Did the diaper bag get left in the public bathroom? {yes, but I realized it quickly enough that I just turned around and went right back in to get it. No judgements} Travel will make you a little more harried than usual and you are carting around a lot of stuff {no matter how judiciously you pack}, so don’t be hard on yourself if something goes missing. Amazon Prime is here to save you.

7. Do pack that third extra outfit in the diaper bag. Changes in cabin pressure make babies poop. It’s a fact. In all likelihood you will have to change a blowout in an airplane bathroom. Your only hope is that the flight is short enough that you won’t have to do it twice. But just in case, have that third extra outfit ready to pitch hit. Otherwise you’re just going to have a lot of poop on your hands. Literally.

8. Don’t have overly high expectations. As much as you’d like to think you can plan an agenda like you did pre-baby, it’s best for everyone’s stress levels if you pick a more go with the flow attitude. That wine tasting appointment you scheduled? Push it back an hour when there’s a blow out situation. That nice lunch place you wanted to try? Order room service when he suddenly takes a two and half hour nap. A baby’s schedule is just too unpredictable for rigid planning and that’s a-okay. #gowiththeflow

9. Have a secret toy. The secret toy is the key to plane travel. Yes you should feed a baby during takeoff and landing. Yes, you’re likely to get lucky that they’ll sleep through some, if not all, of the flight. But should the occasion arise that your little angel is getting rather fussy you break out…the toy that’s never been seen before! Make sure it’s a real humdinger. We brought this one on our trip to Seattle and Portland. Carter had never seen anything that lights up and thankfully it worked its magic on our flight home and he was less than a happy camper.

10. Just do it. Is traveling with an infant easy? Not by the textbook definition of easy {without great effort; presenting few difficulties}. Travel is certainly no where near as easeful when you’re carting a tiny human with you, but it is entirely doable. Even necessary. Travel can restore some sanity by helping you get back in touch with the pre-baby version of your life. And that my friends is worth just as much, if not more, than the memories you make on your trips!

I would love to hear your tips for traveling with kids. Since I’m only 6 months into this whole adventure I’m sure there are many things I’ve yet to discover!

And definitely check out the rest of today’s Real Talk with Real Mom posts – you’ll have travel tips for days. Along with some really funny stories. I’ve linked to them below.

And spoiler alert: check out Instagram today too because we’re going to have a big surprise for you!

image by belathee photography

Real Talk With Real Moms: {Feeding}

Business of blogging

Today I’m excited to share the second installment of our Real Talk with Real Moms series. It kicked off last month with a discussion around sleep. At that time I was getting next to none and it was brutal. I’m pleased to report that Carter is now sleeping much better — thanks to sleep training. Yep, we bit the bullet and it was a total transformation and really not that bad. No, he’s not sleeping through the night, but I’m getting six hour stretches and it’s not taking 90 minutes to get him down and I’ll take it. I was actually thinking I should go back to that post and share all the nitty-gritty of our experience in one giant comment – if anyone’s interested {mention in the comments on this post if you are}! But for today’s posts, all the mamas are discussing their experiences with feeding our tiny little humans.

We have interesting relationships with food, don’t we? I don’t remember being a terribly picky eater as a kid. Sure I didn’t like tomatoes or avocado or black olives, but to my memory there weren’t screaming refusals at the dinner table, or hiding vegetables under my plate or anything. I remember generally enjoying most of what was put in front of me.

But as an adult who revels in food experiences and who won’t shy away from trying anything {save those black olives, still don’t like ’em!}, I find myself having a lot of anxiety about what my kid’s relationship to food will be – even though he’s only ever tasted breast milk! I think having a picky eater would just be miserable. Battles at the dinner table. Not being able to enjoy cooking. Having a freezer stocked with chicken fingers. I’ve given up so many aspects of my pre-baby life, having to give enjoying good food – and being able to share that experience with the people I care about most – feels like it could send me over the edge.

Of course there are all the health reasons why I want Carter to like food and be eager and willing to eat a wide variety of things. I have grandiose dreams of keeping boxed foods, microwavable snacks and gummy treats out of my kitchen. Yes, I already have a baby food maker just waiting for its inaugural use. And then there are the total extreme cases. I have a friend who’s little sister ate nothing but cereal for years! Of course I want to honor whatever my little dude’s personal tastes turn out to be, but if I’m truly being honest with myself, what I really want is to raise a mini foodie.

My favorite book on the subject thus far has been Bringing Up Bebe. That may be because it’s the only baby book I read prior to giving birth – ha! But regardless, in it, the author talks about how the French approach food with their children. In France there are no kid’s menus. Children don’t eat separately from the parents. Three course lunches that include things like fish, braised asparagus and stinky cheese are served to pre-schoolers – and they generally seem to not only eat it, but enjoy it all without fanfare. So why are we cutting hot dogs into bite sized chunks just to get some calories into our kids?

With the time to start solids rapidly approaching, I need to figure out how to kick this whole eating real food thing off and I really don’t want to screw it up! Yes, I’ve heard rumors about a few tricks of the food training trade. Introduce a food at least 10 times before a child can definitely indicate they don’t like it. Don’t offer fruit for quite some time so they don’t get overly used to sweetness. Pay attention to texture – that’s what could be unpalatable. But for the most part I’m flyin’ blind right now.

So to all those parents who have come before me, or to those of you who have simply read way more parenting books, I am seeking your advice! Any secrets to cultivating a little foodie hiding out there? I would be SO appreciative of any and all tips and tricks you’re willing to share. And of course I’ll glad share how that first introduction of real food goes. I think we might try it any day now.

For more thoughts and personal experiences on the trials and tribulations of feeding our littles – from breast feeding all the way up to toddler-dom, check out the rest of the mamas in this series below.

> The Effortless Chic

PS – we’ll be going on a mini-foodie adventure in wine country this weekend and I’ll be sharing it on Snapchat. Follow apartment34 if you’d like to see where we end up!

image one by michelle drewes // image two by bess friday image three by luisa brimble

Finally Talkin’ About Being a Mama

Fashion

Today I’m so excited to launch a new series with a group of seriously rad mamas. As I’ve mentioned before, I haven’t wanted to inundate you with mom content, but when Jen Pinkston, the wonder-mom behind the lovely lifestyle blog The Effortless Chic, asked me to join a seriously cool group of mamas talking about the issues we face, I jumped at the chance. I knew this would be an interesting series with a wonderful group of blogger babes. The concept? We’ll all wax poetic on a specific mama-hood related topic, thereby giving you the opportunity to see a wide variety of perspectives, weigh in and hopefully add some new blogs to your reader in the process. As one of the newest members of the blogger mama club, I’m personally very intrigued to see what this diverse group of women has to say about each issue.

We’re starting off with a topic that could not be more relevant to my current reality: SLEEP!

Or in my case, the complete lack thereof. When you’re pregnant everyone warns you to sleep as much as possible. I certainly did my best. At the end of my pregnancy I was sleeping in until 11AM on Saturdays like a teenager! It was glorious. Now I know what you think I’m going to say next. The baby was born and all hell broke loose. Well, sure, the first couple of weeks were rough, I won’t lie. But then our little stud began sleeping 8-10 hours a night. It was bliss. Other mothers hated me. I loved it. I could totally handle one 4:00 am feeding and feel like a nearly functioning human {save the recovering from a 27-hour natural labor, but that is another story for another day!}.

But then the 4-month sleep regression hit. Yes, it’s predictable. Yes, we were warned. But no, I was not prepared for how brutal three, four or even five awakenings a night would be. Let alone the taking an hour+ to get our little ~~terror~~ angel down to bed each evening. Now I truly see the value of sleep because you start to go rather insane without it! I feel like I’m living in that hangry Snickers commercial, but no amount of candy bars is going to cure my sleep deprivation rage. And then there’s the memory loss. And the inability to stay awake past 9:00 pm. Or have a social life. Or a functioning relationship. You get my point – this isn’t good!

But I’m at a bit of an impasse. I’m on week five of basically no sleep with no end in sight. Yes, everyone has told me to sleep train at this point. Carter is four months old, he’s 16lbs, he’s ready yada yada yada. So after hearing so many stories of triumph I bit the bullet and tried it this week. I lasted one night. I threw in the towel when Carter started throwing up out of his nose after less than 15 minutes! I’m sorry, but cry it out is not my jam.

So now I’m turning to you, dear readers. Do you have magic elixirs to cure the no sleep disease? Secret tips and tricks that turned your child into a sleeping wonder? Any words of advice about how to survive through this period? I know it will get better. I know I will remember my own name again, but the future seems bleak when you’re in the thick of it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Feel free to comment here or join the conversation with the hashtag #realmomseries. I’m also thinking about taking my mama-musings to Snapchat. Would you be interested in some more off the cuff thoughts and a little behind the scenes of life with le bebe?? If so, check it out at apartment34.

Here are the rest of the fabulous mamas who are talking about their trials and tribulations with sleep. You should be sure to check them out today!

> The Effortless Chic

> The Daily Something

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