Real Talk, Real Moms: Finding Your Confidence

Business of blogging

Happy Friday friends! Our Real Talk, Real Moms series is back today with a topic I’m really interested to discuss with you. Today we’re dishing about finding your confidence as a mom. Or more aptly titled “continually searching for your confidence” as a mom. I’ve certainly been on a confidence roller coaster ride since having my little guy, so today I thought I’d take you along on a bit of my journey.

Is one ever confident about being a good mom? I think grandmothers are, but that’s after they’ve gotten to see the product of their work over 30 some years. It’s like reading the end of a novel first – you know how everything turns out in the end. But starting out as a new mother, you’re at the very first page of that book. And when you think about it, it’s not really a novel – things are not laid out in a nice neat line. Instead, it’s more like a choose your own adventure story where you really never know what the outcome is going to be.

I was relatively good at rolling with the punches of early motherhood. I didn’t read a lot of parenting books. I didn’t obsess too much about milestones. I was basically satisfied if my guy was happy, healthy and only woke up 1x a night. Small victories right?

The earlier months of motherhood didn’t feel as angst filled as more recent months have. Now that my kid is not only fully aware of his surrounds but understands every single thing we say and much of the innuendo we use to try to keep him from understanding, I’m getting more worried. Just how do you teach a kid to be a good person? How do you not pass down your sh**? How do you teach empathy? What kind of discipline is effective? How do you raise a feminist? How do you raise a sensitive boy and quality man? These questions give me A LOT more anxiety.

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of answers yet. Since my kid just turned two, I’d like to say that, in the grand scheme of parenting, I’m still relatively new at this. The only nugget of advice I can offer at this point is to realize you must parent with intention. It’s so easy to breeze through your days. To not think about what you’re saying. To react to a frustrating toddler rather than listen, relate and engage. In the last six months, my mothering has shifted from loving playmate to highly intentioned teacher, listener and yes, disciplinarian. Now I’ve started reading more books which I do think help. My faves are the Whole Brain Child, Brain Rules and Permission to Parent, and I’m always looking for more recommendations! While I’ve managed to maintain my chill (for the most part), it certainly is daunting to look down at this tiny person and think that the interactions I’m having with him right now could affect him for the rest of his life. No biggie.

Now I’m going to check out the other posts from the rest of the mamas for their advice!

Design for Mankind || A Daily Something || The Fresh Exchange || The Sweetest Occasion || Ave Styles || Oh Lovely Day || The Effortless Chic

To catch up on the rest of our Real Mom series, CLICK HERE.

5 Clean Beauty Products to Try Now

Beauty

Today, I have someone you need to meet. I’ve talked to Girl Crushes and amazing makers over the years, but it’s hard to give today’s focus, miss Laney Crowell, one specific label. She’s an all around power woman. She’s created her own PR and content marketing firms, run social media and editorial content for Estee Lauder and is now taking perhaps the most admirable step of all – diving head first into her passion for clean beauty and intentioned living and sharing her true self with the rest of us. Laney recently launched The Moment – a stunning lifestyle site that is a mecca for all things clean beauty and healthy living. I recently sat down with Laney at my favorite San Francisco health food haunt, As Quoted, to dish on finding your passion and the perfect eco-lipgloss over turmeric lattes (have you had one? No seriously, they’re so good. I quit caffeine nearly 3 years ago now and they give me life.)

I feel lucky to have called Laney friend for a number of years now. Her drive, creativity and warmth cause you to simultaneously admire her and want to be her BFF. She’s managed to harness that effortless beauty vibe that I’m always grasping for. So I was hoping her makeup recommendations might help me look more fresh faced!

How did you discover clean beauty / self care?

It started in my search to learn more about food. I’ve always had a really sensitive stomach, I’ve suffered from acne, and I’ve always felt like I had low energy. I started reading about eating plant-based and how great it is for our bodies and our skin. The better I ate, the better my stomach and skin became. Once you start learning about food you can’t help but want to know where it comes from. For me it was a natural progression to see what’s in my beauty products too.

What do you love about these five clean beauty products?

These are the products I keep in my makeup bag at all times:

Juice Beauty CC Cream in Dessert Glow

The great thing about this product is that it gives you a little coverage, a little dewiness, and it has SPF. I apply it with my hands and it evens out my skin tone instantly. Juice Beauty is organic, vegan, and toxin-free so they’re one of my most trusted clean beauty brands.

Jillian Dempsey Lid Tint in Dew

This product is so great. It comes in other colors, but I love the dew that turns into a slight rose. It’s glossy, but not too glossy, and gives that instant cool girl look. It’s kinda amazing that this product is made from organic and natural ingredients.

Kjaer Weis Eye Shadow in Transcend

This eyeshadow should win awards. It’s all-natural and certified organic, but the color is elevated and chic. I use it as an eyeshadow and an eyeliner depending on the look I’m going for – for a fancier look I’ll use it with Jillian Demsey’s Lid Tint for a glossy look.

True Botanicals Hydrating Mist

I recently discovered True Botanicals and fell in love with their Clean line. It has done amazing things to help my skin, which broke out really badly when I got pregnant. They gave me some new samples to try like this Hydrating Mist and I keep it in my bag when traveling.

W3LL People Nudist Multi-Use Cream Stick

I love products that I can use in more than one way, and even better if they are doing double duty on top of that. I use this stick as blush and for lip color, plus it has aloe and antioxidants in it so it’s good for your skin. It’s super sheer which I love, and has a gorgeous dewy finish.

If women were going to change one thing about their beauty routine – what do you think it should be?

That’s a hard question! I’ve been slowly changing my skin, face, hair, nail and body products over the last year and a half and now I’m 99% clean. I think I started with replacing my face serum. I wanted to find something that was just as effective and clean as the toxic version I was using. If I had to recommend one product though, it would be a moisturizer that can be used on your whole body though, like Everyday Oil. Our skin is our biggest organ and we need to treat it well.

What do you hope women take away from The Moment

Ultimately The Moment is a beauty site, but a new kind of beauty site. Beauty is so much more than the way we look, beauty is a feeling that comes from joy. I hope that people take away how to feel joy with what we eat, how we live our lives and with how we take care of ourselves.

What is your advice for someone looking to turn their passion into a career?

I started The Moment not because I’m an expert, but because I’m on a mission to feel better and feel more joy in my life. That mission was clear to me, because it’s what I did in my spare time. It took me a while to figure out it’s shape though, that came from journaling and mediating. If I have any advice it’s to take the time to be in touch with yourself and listen to your gut.

Journaling and meditating goals. Check! I’m so thrilled that Laney in enlightening us all, not only with her ever-growing clean beauty knowledge, but also with her joy, her positive outlook and her goal of simply helping people feel better. Because you really can’t get mad at that can you? Seems like a long relaxing Memorial Day weekend would be the perfect time to start taking a little extra care of your self, no? Head to the The Moment for even more beautiful inspiration.

SHOP CLEAN BEAUTY

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For more of my favorite beauty finds, CLICK HERE

For more interviews with inspiring power women, CLICK HERE

For more of my favorite San Francisco gems, CLICK HERE

photography by andrea posadas

Real Talk, Real Moms: Tips for Taking Family Vacations

Business of blogging

I’m not sure how it happened, but Memorial Day weekend is a week away. A week! The unofficial start to summer is upon us. Which means it’s time to hit the road! We’ve got a couple of summer trips up our sleeves so far, and of course, I’m a huge fan of the local weekend getaway, so I think our suitcases are about to get a lot of use. Now that my kiddo is two and we have a lot of traveling under our belt, I feel excited rather than anxious about vacationing as a family. While it can be incredibly stress-inducing, you can, in fact, hit the road and have everyone enjoy the ride. That’s why the mamas have decided to tackle family vacations for this edition of Real Talk, Real Moms. Given the varied experiences between us all, there’s probably enough here to write a book! So scroll down for my top tips and then be sure to check out the other mamas – between all of us, you’ll know every travel trick in the book.

Pack Less than You Think Need
I know kids clothes are really cute, especially vacation clothes, but you can really save yourself headaches by cutting down on all crap you haul on vacation. Outfits can be repeated. In an ideal world, you might have laundry where you’re staying. Plan looks for your kids and then cut the amount of stuff in half. Seriously. They’ll be in bathing suits 90% of the time. Also, pack your diapers in your car seat bag when you check it (it checks for free!) to save space in your luggage. Oh and if you desperately need something you didn’t bring (and you aren’t off the grid) there’s Amazon to save you.

Kid Friendly Schedules
Your children’s sleep is your best friend. If you can, try to plan your travel days around nap schedules. We typically try to fly between 11AM-1Pm to make sure we’re not too rushed in the morning and have a prayer of the kid falling asleep on the plane during nap time. Now that he’s two that’s happening less frequently, but a mama can dream.

Enough Time, but not Too Much Time
My husband would probably debate me on this tip, but see what you think. I like to plan our plane travel so that we’re always moving. No standing around and waiting. This can cause a little extra stress when you make the check-in cut off by three minutes, but I’m always thankful to walk straight from the desk, through security, to the gate, and onto the plane. Downtime just leads to crankiness and fidgeting and you run out of ways to entertain tiny people. Maybe I also like the adrenaline rush, I don’t know. But I say no getting to the airport two hours early and standing around. Keep your timing as tight as your stress levels can handle.

Have a Secret Toy
I cannot take credit for this tip. Another mom-friend passed it along to me, and it is genius for any plane trip or car ride. Find something little your child has never seen before. Something fun. Something with a bell or whistle or two that will attract and hold attention in your most desperate moment. Then and only then is when you bust out the Secret Toy. It will get used. It will save the day. You will be thankful.

Feed Often
Tons of stimulation, new activities, and unknown environments make littles way hungrier than you’d ever expect. So pack snacks where ever you go and feed at the slightest sign of crankiness. Crackers are also effective at bribing toddlers to sit in their seats during takeoff. Until you get held on the runway for an extra hour (see above tip).

Revel in Repetition
If you’re typically an adventurer, you might need to redefine the term. There’s actually something soothing about settling into a routine and it can definitely help your littles adjust to new places, new time zones and the unexpected. Embrace the slow and let it go.

Divide and Conquer
When it comes to traveling with your kiddos, your partner is your best friend. Or really anyone who is willing to lend a hand. Grandparents. Siblings. The random stranger on the airplane who will hold your baby while you pee. Take advantage of all the help you can get. Trade off meal preparation or bedtime duties so someone can get a break. Even on vacation child rearing is exhausting, so you want to make sure you build in some ways everyone gets their down time.

Nap When They Nap
‘Nuff said.

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Drink Wine
And if does start getting a little overwhelming, take a walk, take a mini meditation session, take a deep breath. And then order more wine.

Enjoy Every Minute
All the cliches are true. It goes so quickly. They grow so fast. The days are long but the years are short. Soak it up, people. The good, the bad and the ugly. Because ultimately, in the end, all of it is actually good. In fact, it’s great.

Bonus tip: When you get back home from your vacation, have a photobook made of your adventure. Our two year old loves looking through the book about our trip to Hawaii (details on that here), talking about what we did there and what we experienced. It’s a great way to build memory and it’s really dang cute too.

For all my favorite travel destinations CLICK HERE

For the rest of the mama’s posts, click below.

Design for Mankind || Oh Lovely Day || Natalie Borton || A Daily Something || The Fresh Exchange || The Effortless Chic

Tasty Tuesday: Going to Cooking School with Alison Cayne

Business of blogging

Have you ever met someone with whom you just clicked? Like you’d known this person for a long time and that you’ve always been friends? That was certainly how I felt when I sat down with chef, cooking school & cafe owner and now cookbook author Alison Cayne. If you don’t immediately recognize Alison you would most likely recognize her New York City home as it’s one of the most pinned things ever. And it should be – it’s crazy gorgeous. But that’s not what this post is about. While Alison’s style is indeed impeccable, what she’s really famous for is founding Haven’s Kitchen, a cooking school, event space and cafe in the heart of Manhattan.

Recently, I had the pleasure of enjoying lunch with Ali at one of my favorite San Francisco haunts, and I can’t decide what amazed me more: the fact that she has five kids, that she got into food and started her business with no formal training or that she did it all after 40?! I think I need to go with D) all of the above because Ali’s journey to becoming a cooking maven is both nontraditional and truly awesome. Vogue describes her as a Nancy Meyers movie character come to life after all. We were also twinning on the day we met – if that isn’t a meet cute, I don’t know what is.

Ali’s path to becoming a chef, business owner and now cookbook author it truly unique. Ali is by all intents and purposes, a home cook. As she explained to me, she always loved cooking and food but never considered it a career. She just cooked, at first for her kids and then for friends, and then as lessons for fellow stay-at-home moms as her children (I mentioned five right?!) headed into their school-age years. That’s when Ali realized she wasn’t only passionate about food but food systems, sustainability and how that all connects to food culture. She realized that where food comes from, how we prepare it and then how we consume it is really a linchpin of human connection. I know, heady stuff.

So Alison decided to go back to school, earning a Master’s Degree in Food Studies from NYU (impressed yet)? She also began working for the Union Square Farmer’s Market (initially as an intern! it’s never too late my friends) running their cooking demonstrations – and meeting tons of local food purveyors in the New York area along the way. But what really inspired me about Ali’s approach to food is her focus on a mission – creating meaningful connections through cooking and eating. Even though farm to table food is now trendy and we all obsessively watch Mind of Chef and Chef’s Table (at least I do!), Ali wanted to take these high-minded concepts and make them accessible to regular folk who likely shop in grocery stores, not idyllic farmer’s markets, who have 20 minutes to make dinner for a hungry hoard every night and who have probably never been taught a proper cooking skill or what celeriac is. Ali realized she wanted to teach others, both about the connection between earth, food and culture, but also how to feel confident cooking yummy stuff. And that’s where Haven’s Kitchen was born.

But not everyone is lucky enough to take a class, attend an event or stop in and enjoy a bite at Haven’s Kitchen. Hence “The Haven’s Kitchen Cooking School” book. More than a traditional book of recipes, Ali set out to make a manual that will help novice cooks feel confident in the kitchen. Because she explains, “my goal building Haven’s Kitchen was to create a cooking school for recreation: for home cooks and people who just wanted to make enjoyable food. Every decision we make comes back to the idea that the kitchen should be a safe, happy, creative place—a haven – not threatening or intimidating, not some far removed, sterile space of Instagrammable perfection. I think the cookbook takes our approach and philosophy and translates it into book form as best as we could.” She went on to explain how those years of teaching cooking to her friends helped her realize that when you’re confident about doing something, you’re likely to do it more often. And if people were to cook at home more often it helps build familial bonds, community connection and is easier on our environment. Win, win win. I love where Ali’s head is at.

Cooking School includes everything from a primer on knife skills to shopping lists for both your pantry and your kitchen appliance closet. The book is then organized around food types, from grains & beans to eggs, salads and sauces. Each chapter not only offers recipes relevant to its assigned category but also includes secrets to key cooking techniques like how to get the proper braise or how to perfectly poach an egg (still a mystery to me!). It helps that Cooking School is also filled with beautiful pictures of mouth-watering dishes – a prerequisite for any cookbook that takes pride of place on my cookbook shelves – but I love that this book goes further than most. When you head to the chapter about fish, you can learn details about the ingredient (like what to look out for when buying fish), the necessary cooking tools (what to use to filet a fish) and culinary tips & tricks like taking fish out of the refrigerator 15-30 minutes before cooking to optimize flavors. It’s these tidbits that will help transform you from a recipe follower to an actual cook – someone who knows and understands details about preparing food.

Now Ali cautions, you’re not going to read her book, or any for that matter, and become a master chef overnight. As with anything worthwhile in life, building cooking skills takes time and practice. Ali shares this anecdote to explain:

“I’ll give an example: Tonight I’m having ten people for dinner. I have two vegetarians and a few big meat eaters. It’s January so my vegetable choices are mostly root vegetables and winter greens. I’ve had a four of the guests before so I need to cook something new for them. That puzzle might sound overwhelming to some, but I am confident that I can prepare a few hearty vegetable and grain dishes, roast chickens, toss a gorgeous salad and prepare a sauce or two for drizzling that will work on any or all of it. That confidence, knowing that I have the skills and know-how to make those components of the meal without relying on recipes and that I can get it done in two-three hours is what I hope our readers will eventually accomplish. That way, instead of being stressed about hosting a dinner, I am actually looking forward to the time I get to spend with my friends.”

And isn’t that time better spent that on Snapchat, Twitter or the latest drama on Bravo?? As my kiddo gets older and I start really thinking about things I want to pass down to him, a love of food and cooking is definitely one. In our fast-everything society, where the entire world’s variety of cuisine can be delivered to your door in a matter of minutes, it can be so easy to forget how foundational food is to culture. And to our environment. And to the vitality of our communities.

While I love Ali’s approach to food, I didn’t walk away from our conversation inspired to cook. I walked away feeling inspired as a woman, a mother, and an entrepreneur. Ali is a study of taking the time to discover your passion, invest in it with the full expression of your being and then see that passion through to a place that has real, tangible impact on the world. Her story reminds us that this isn’t something you have figured out when you graduate from college. Or turn 30. Or at any number of other major life milestones. For some it might be a never-ending quest. Could you describe your work in mission form? What impact are you hoping to leave on the people you interact with? Knowing that offers such a profound sense of purpose.

I’m going to ponder my mission tonight over a lovely home-cooked dinner. Like this beautiful Garbanzo Feta Salad!

Garbanzo Feta Salad

Serves 4 to 6

1 cup dried garbanzos, soaked for 8 hours, or one 15-ounce can, drained and rinsed
Fine sea salt
Citrus Vinaigrette (see below)
1 small red onion, thinly sliced and held in ice water
2 Persian cucumbers or 1 small
English cucumber, sliced ¼ inch thick on the bias
¼ cup crumbled feta
¼ cup torn fresh flat-leaf parsley

If using dried beans, after soaking, rinse the garbanzos, place in a medium saucepan, and cover with double their volume of water. Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook until the beans are tender but hold their shape, about 45 minutes. Remove from the heat, add a large pinch or two of salt, and let sit for 15 minutes. Drain and put in a large serving bowl.

While the garbanzos are cooking, make the vinaigrette.

Drain the red onion and add to the garbanzos. Add the cucumber, feta, and parsley, drizzle on about ¼ cup of the vinaigrette, and toss to combine. Add more dressing and salt to taste. Serve at room temperature or chilled.

Citrus Vinaigrette

Makes about 2 cups
1 cup mixed citrus juice, plus the grated zest of 1 lemon
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
Fine sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil, or more to taste

In a medium bowl, whisk together the juice, zest, mustard, a pinch of salt, and pepper to taste. Slowly whisk in the olive oil until well blended.

Finish with additional salt and pepper as desired.

You can order your copy of Cooking School here

Check out more of my favorite spring recipes, here

Interviews with more crazy inspiring women are right here

original photography for apartment 34 by andrea posadas

Meet the Maker: Simone LeBlanc

Business of blogging

When I started this site way back when, my favorite thing about the interwebs was discovering wonderful, amazingly talented people and sharing their stories. From my girl crushes, to retail therapy, designer profiles and maker interviews, the world of awe-inspiring creativity has always been my biggest motivator. In the coming weeks, I’m going to be bringing you a bevvy of crazy-cool women; case in point, my profile today of Simone LeBlanc who has perhaps the coolest job – professional gift giver!

Read below for some brilliant tips from this super stylish entrepreneurial mom, just in time for mother’s day.

How did you get inspired to start your business?
I had been working as a personal life-stylist and loved connecting with people in this way — finding an object for their home or a gift that was ‘just the right thing.’ It opened up a world for me and I realized there was an opportunity in the marketplace for my perspective on gifting. My experience with my clients allowed me to create relationships all over the world, with masterful craftspeople and artisans, building highly customized items that have meaning on an intimate and personal level.

What is your advice to entrepreneurs?
Have a vision and a purpose that truly drives you. Every day I have so much more that I want to create and build. Vision and purpose will get you out of bed each morning, carry you through any rough waters, keep you learning and keep you excited. I’d also say be fearless in your commitment to putting yourself out there. Master the balance of dedication, passion, and detachment. You have to ask the tough questions and be prepared to hear things that don’t always feel great. Have the wisdom to personally detach and take a look at your brand as a business, something bigger than just you. This can be a challenge when your brand is a direct extension of you, but it’s important for growth– I continue to work on this all the time.

What is the secret to giving the perfect gift?
Always keep the recipient in mind, and be mindful of your relationship and the message you want to send. The perfect gift is something unexpected, yet at the same time on point and personal. It’s meaningful and nuanced and resonates clearly and directly with the recipient. But most of all, be real. If you love what you’re gifting, authenticity will carry through.

What is the best gift you’ve ever received?
Without a doubt the best gift I’ve ever received is my daughter Lillian and the ego-freedom that motherhood brings. (I feel that).

You have a young daughter – what techniques do you use to balance life as a business woman and life as a mom?
I’ve learned that instinct and discipline are key to bringing all of the moving parts together. Constantly practicing flexibility to roll with it all falling apart, and most importantly, resilience to get back up and pull it all together. And within all of that—making sure I make time to be present with my daughter Lillian, with my husband, and myself.

What do you want for Mother’s Day?
For Mother’s Day, I’d love just a slow, simple day with family. I imagine waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and the sound of my husband and daughter in the kitchen together while I linger in bed a bit with some magazines. We’d enjoy a yummy breakfast complete with some fresh squeezed orange juice from the trees in our garden. A lovely Sunday of uninterrupted time with my favorite people.

If you’re still a little stumped about what to get mom this year, skip the flowers or fruit basket and just go straight for one of Simone’s stunning gift boxes. (hint hint if you’re reading this hubby!).

For more inspiring stories, CLICK HERE

images courtesy of simone le blanc

Real Talk, Real Moms: Childcare

Business of blogging

Childcare. Until you have a kid, you have no idea what a weighted topic this is. Everyone has opinions on who should do the caring of the child, how the child should be cared for, how much someone should be compensated for said care and on and on. There is so much to unpack when considering childcare options, I had a hard time deciding where this post should focus. While we’re now entering the throes of pre-school applications and will soon face the fun challenge of figuring out childcare when your kid is only “in school” three half-days a week, I’m going to save that drama for another post. Instead, I’m going to share my harrowing childcare experience as a cautionary tale. I hope it will help someone following in our parental footsteps to avoid the mistakes we made.

Our kiddo was born in early April (he’s almost 2, ahhh!) and thankfully both I and my husband had substantial parental leave. So those first few months were nothing but sleep deprived baby bliss. I did manage to blog during that time (which truthfully, I now regret – I wish I could have just let it all go and cherished the fleeting moments of the newborn phase. But it can be hard to surrender, especially when this space is kinda like my first baby…but back to my story).

In what felt like was a blink of an eye, both the hubs and me had to go back to full-time 9-5 work. While I was sad to leave my little dude, I was also excited to have a part of me back – but that’s a different topic that we actually discussed right here. Having no immediate family in the Bay Area, we had to look for outside help. At only four months old, Carter seemed too teeny for the daycare route (though I know many moms who did it and loved it). We decided to hire a nanny – and quickly. The timing kind of snuck up on us. Luckily we had a referral, who we interviewed briefly and who seemed great so we hired her on the spot.

Now, choosing who is going to care for your kid is a major decision. It impacts all factors of your life. It affects your stress levels, your peace of mind, your ability to work, even how you parent. If you have someone who comes to your home, you’re essentially welcoming someone into your family. They’re going to see all the warts we usually try to hide – how long we leave dishes sitting in the sink, your underwear hanging on the drying rack, what you look like with bedhead! You’ve got to get real comfortable with whoever is caring for your kid real quick. I should know this – I was a nanny all through college!

Unfortunately, I learned finding said person is a lot easier said than done. I quickly discovered that while caring for the child is a nanny’s primary job, so many other factors are of critical importance. Are they reliable? Are they on time? Are they thoughtful? Do they pay attention to details? Do they communicate effectively? Are they open to feedback? Are they respectful of your home and possessions? If the answer to any of these questions is no, you’re likely in trouble. To rely on someone to help your life run, only to have them be constantly late, or not show up at all, break things, lose things, lock themselves out of the house, lock themselves out of the car, be incapable of adhering to schedules or to follow instructions – that all adds copious amounts of stress to an already overloaded mom’s plate. To boil it down: it’s really hard to have your shit together when you’re a working new mom, so you really want to make sure your childcare provider has their shit together – otherwise everything turns into a stinking hot mess.

Without getting into the details too much, let’s just say our first nanny did not work out. So then I was back on the childcare hunt, frantically asking friends for referrals, getting on all kinds of mommy listservs and jumping on all the babysitting websites and apps. San Francisco is a very competitive market for nannies. Good ones get snatched very quickly. After interviewing multiple candidates – which is nearly a full-time job in itself mind you – I thought I’d finally found a good fit. Someone a bit older, with a bit more experience, good references. We even did a trial run to see how everyone felt. I thought we were golden – but we were also leaving on vacation. So I paid this potential nanny in advance to retain her while we were away for two weeks. Upon our return, she promptly quit, claiming a job closer to her home just happened to come up and she just had to take it. She did not return our money.

Second lesson learned: sign an employment contract. Employment contracts with childcare providers solve a lot of problems. They help lay out very clear expectations. They make sure everyone agrees upon responsibilities and job duties, on payment schedules and sick leave etc etc. While we had in fact negotiated one with this second nanny candidate, we only established verbal agreements, rather than ensuring everyone signed on the bottom line before taking our vacation. Leaving us with no legal leg to stand on. And out a boat load of cash. Big mistake. Huge, as they say.

And so there I was, back to square one yet again. Needless to say, I was both panicked and super anxious at this point. Could I not trust my own instincts? Did I not know what was best for my kid? Am I that bad of a judge of character? Probably not. It’s just that finding really good, reliable, honest, loving, caring people is hard! So in desperation (because I’d been without help for a month now and I did have this little ole blog to run and my husband couldn’t take time off work. I can’t image what a mom who doesn’t work for themselves would do. Our childcare policies in this country are a travesty. But that is yet, another post. So back to my story). For our final go-round, I turned to the pros – a nanny agency. They do a lot of the legwork for you including initial screenings, background checks, interviewing references and ensuring all candidates are highly qualified and who they say they are!

Thankfully, the third time was the charm. After diligently interviewing multiple candidates (with interview questions the agency helped us with that really got into how a person reacts to crisis, conflict, and their personal philosophies on childcare), checking references and doing an in-home trial, we found a wonderful nanny who our son loves. While not everything is picture perfect all the time, I have identified my childcare deal breakers: be reliable, be trustworthy, try your best and help my kid learn and grow. With all those boxes checked I can go to work feeling good. And that is quite the relief. We have to remember that Mary Poppins is in fact, a fairy tale.

So how about you? Anyone else have a harrowing childcare story to share? I’m sure some of the other mamas do – living scattered around the country and with different aged babes – we’ve been through it all. Check out their posts below!

For our Real Moms archive that includes topics like breastfeeding, going back to work, self-care, co-parenting, travel & more CLICK HERE

Meet the Style Makers: Eight + Sand

Business of blogging

One reason I’ve stuck with this whole blogging gig for nearly a decade now is the talented, passionate people I’m lucky enough to meet along the way. I’ve profiled many on da blog over the years (you can check a lot of them out here) and my latest discovery is no exception. As I finally weaned myself from fast fashion (thanks pregnancy!) and have committed myself to a more long-term view of my closet, I like to look for people who are doing really cool things with fashion. The local Bay Area clothing line Eight + Sand – a collection of impeccably tailored basics such as T-shirts, hoodies and button-down shirts – is doing wonderful things in spades. Things like turning how women’s clothing is measured and made on its head. Like sourcing sustainable fabrics that don’t fall apart with the first wash. Like making everything locally. Like jumping into an industry they knew nothing about because they wanted to follow a dream. I recently visited Hawthorne boutique in Oakland to meet Eight + Sand founders Noushie and Ronda to learn all about their journey to create the perfect shirt.

How did you get started in the apparel business?
Everything we do grew out of a real need that we, or friends of ours, had. We were living in the Bay Area, surrounded by gorgeous, local food prepared slowly, by local wines and craft beers and so much attention to source and ways of making that it was almost cliché, and yet the clothing we were all buying was falling apart after a few washes. We were all going to the same stores, buying the same stuff: made overseas in terrible conditions, treated with dangerous chemicals, produced at dizzying rates, and worst of all, filling up the landfills with waste. Even among people who really participated in monitoring their footprint in other ways— what they eat, the car they drive, who they vote for— clothing was a total blind spot. We were like, “What is wrong with this picture?” So we walked away from our old careers and started building Eight + Sand, hell-bent on doing things differently, on offering people something obsessively sourced, painstakingly crafted, super durable, and totally classic; something where every step of the process, every hand than participated in it, is known and honored.

What do they think really sets the line apart?
Two big things: One, while there are a few companies gesturing at the idea of the problems we mentioned above, very few people are tackling all of the components. Say, they’re making inroads in terms of educating consumers about the true cost of what they buy but not working with truly exceptional materials, or they’re very artisanal, offering high-quality goods, but they’re mostly accessories and the conditions of making aren’t really discussed. We’re doing it all: we use some of the finest textiles available from only ethical sources, obsess over craft, prioritize fit with custom grade rules, and do all of our manufacturing locally where minimum wage is the highest in the country and we can actually know the women making our clothes. We use only ecologically sustainable dyes and packaging, organic textiles, discourage power-consumption, and focus on gender-neutral styles that serve all kinds of folks. And lemme tell you something, there’s a reason we’re alone— it is SO hard to do all of this. It’s a whole lot easier to just bend your ethics and triple your profit. But that’s not how we roll. We got into this business to serve people and the planet and that’s what we mean to do, even when it’s an uphill battle.

What should women know about proper fit?
The most important thing women should know about fit is that it has nothing to do with them. Clothing companies use sizing charts that contradict each other all day long; they don’t correspond and are not based on bodies, they’re based on algorithms or in some cases, just really old math. Also, fit is subjective. Yes, there’s clearly a point at which something is just categorically too big, but usually fit is much more nuanced than people think— something might “fit” but feel too tight for the amount of curve you like to show. Or maybe your mom thinks it fits but you like things to accentuate your shape more— whose to say? So we don’t trade in “proper” fits. What we do is measure large groups of real women and come up with real, data-driven averages to build our clothes around. This allows us to offer sizing charts (one for every piece) that not only work, but make room for sizing preferences so women can reliably decide what best suits their needs and wants. Everything is based on our customers’ own measurements, so they can easily find their preferred size for their preferred look and feel. No returns. No trips to the tailor.

What would we be surprised to know about how clothes are made?
There’s a lot— it’s a shocking industry— but we’ll stick to three heavy-hitters:
Your clothes are ALL made by people. Often folks think that only “sweatshops” have rows of sewing machines attended by humans at work, and that at “ethical” places, things are automated. This is not true. There are no automated clothing-making machines out there. Every piece you buy was sewn by a person. The issue then is not that those people are doing the sewing, it’s how, how are they treated, how are they paid, how old are they, how are they protected. For example, many manufacturers pay their employees by the piece, which contributes to exploitation and low quality goods. So things aren’t as simple as you might imagine, there’s a lot of research involved.

Those little holes you get in that super-soft Tee from J Crew aren’t from your jeans button, they are the result of a chemical enzyme that wears the fibers of low-grade quality down until they soften, allowing companies to buy extremely cheap materials and make them feel supple in-store. The only trouble being, the fabric is destroyed in the process, making it prone to holes after just a single wash. So you waste money and your near-disposable clothing ends up in a land fill very quickly.
And lastly, there is no reporting required on any of this. Unlike your food which the FDA and other agencies require people to report on, the garment industry is like the wild west. It’s where food was in the middle of last century. And that should worry people very much, but right now, it doesn’t, because people don’t think of clothing as agricultural products, but they are.

What is your greatest source of inspiration?
These days, we’re all about fighting the good fight. There is so much junk in the world, so many objects of poor quality circulating around and messing up our planet, we’re inspired to do better, to be better and help people have another option. To us, making objects that last, that can age and patina with you, that can start well and grow into something like an heirloom, with history and beauty and time, that’s a way to change the world. It’s a small way, but it matters, just like all the other small ways. We believe in working well, on behalf of the planet, on behalf of the incredible people who supply our cottons and threads and buttons, on behalf of a world we want, where rampant consumerism has been replaced by measured, intentional collecting of objects that last.
That’s what inspired us and keeps us going, even when this project gets really hard, and it sure does, we remember what we’re working for.

What do you hope to do next?
In practical terms, we’ll be launching a new “Heritage Collection,” a small-batch collection of pieces made from textiles so special, we could only make around 30 of each piece. It’s all about honoring the rarity and gift of a truly unique fabric, even if we can’t get enough to make as many as we can in our Classic Collection. It lets us spread our wings, experiment with new styles, and bring our customer something nearly one of a kind. We are also experimenting with thoughtful ways to use fabric scraps created during manufacturing which we hope will get us closer to our zero-waste goals.

In more existential terms, we hope to keep educating people on the realities and woes of the fashion industry and encouraging them to think more and better about what they buy and put on their bodies. Slow fashion is new, but it is happening, and we’re proud to be on the bleeding edge. We want to do our best to not only support our own work, but the work of the other talented people working for a paradigm shift in the garment world. We are little but we are mighty!

I am so inspired by Noushie and Ronda. With my love for minimal, timeless style (as you might have spied here) they’re speaking my style language and they’re attempting to make the world better too. One perfect shirt at at a time.

Real Talk, Real Moms: On Friendship

Business of blogging

A few years back, Randi Zuckerberg – yes, sister of that guy who started that book-face thing – was widely credited for identifying the entrepreneurs’ dilemma. She declared that out of five things; work, sleep, family, fitness or friends you can only nurture three with any measure of success. As an entrepreneur, I completely agree. But now having birthed a tiny human, I also say substitute the words new mom for entrepreneur and you find yourself in the same conundrum (and what about us entrepreneur-moms? Do we have a double dilemma? Do we only get to pick two out of the five because we have to pick work to keep our businesses from failing…but I’m getting off track.) My point is that when it comes to motherhood something else in your life tends to give. Sadly, friendship is the primary thing that has fallen by the wayside in my world, but I know I’m not the only one. Friendship often falters for many new moms. That’s why, for this edition of Real Talk, Real Moms, we decided to give voice to this challenge.

Now, before having kids I swore up and down that I wouldn’t be one of those moms who never sees her friends. Swore. But I am the first to admit I am a horrible friend. Terrible. Just the worst. Seriously.

I don’t return calls. I barely remember to answer texts. In my world, a heart on Instagram has become as good as a catch-up sesh. And making a new friend?! Forget it. It’s damn hard to make friends in your 30s under the best of circumstances. The New York Times has devoted multiple pieces to the never-ending challenge – probably because a lot of its writers are in their 30s right now. As one article explains, “the period for making B.F.F.’s, the way you did in your teens or early 20s, is pretty much over. It’s time to resign yourself to situational friends: K.O.F.’s (kind of friends) — for now.” Too true. There was certainly little time for any BS before kids. And now? No way.

In fact, making new friends is so challenging, this New York Magazine piece talks about how you should court friends like you would a romantic relationship. But that probably requires staying up past 9pm. Or getting dressed most days of the week. Or managing to leave your house (most definitely an entrepreneurial mom problem). Now don’t get me wrong, I do consider my circle of “friends” to be quite large. I belong to a moms Facebook group that has over 500 women in it. I do make it to the occasional social event and exchange air kisses and pleasantries with the best of them. But when I experienced a soul crushing death in the family did I reach out to any of them for help – or did they reach out to me? Nope. If I had an emergency and needed someone to watch my kid would I feel comfortable calling one up? Don’t think so. Do I even have any of their numbers in my phone?! Even though most moms know tons of other moms and many of us participate in moms groups those moments of connection are fleeting – interrupted by spit-up, a diaper explosion or a melt down. It can end up feeling like you’re stranded on your own tiny island.

This situation is tough. It feels pathetic. It’s depressing. It’s actually probably bad for my health. In fact, article after article talks about how both self-worth and happiness are ultimately judged not by career success, accolades or money, but by friendships. I have started to feel really bad about my friendship gap. I feel terrible guilt for neglecting my good friends who I truly love and adore. I feel sad about not being able to cultivate new friends – real ones with actual bonds. I often feel lonely.

So this year, I decided I want to proactively do something about it. In fact, my intention for 2017 is to CONNECT (I talked more about that here). While it’s unlikely I’ll magically transform back to my social butterfly self anytime soon (I’m typically a puddle by 7pm these days), there are a few practical ways I’ve attempted to implement my intention thus far. They include:

– Schedule a lunch or coffee date with someone I enjoy and haven’t caught up with in awhile – and NOT cancel.

– Fire off a text to a friend whenever she happens to cross my mind.

– Write a physical note to a friend once a month.

– Reach out to someone I wish I was still connected to and simply let them know I still care – no expectations or strings attached.

And I do have grander friend-ambitions. I’d like to start a ladies who brunch club – just a casual way to bring friends together on a Sunday, with or sans kids, to just hang out and spend time together – during daylight hours. But I do have to finish this dang house first. Or at least get it to a point I’m no longer embarrassed by it. Oh and remember how to cook again. So baby steps it is. But I know that even as exhausted as I often feel, putting effort into friendships will ultimately refuel me – even if the effort is taxing at first. This article about being a terrible friend also recently lifted my spirits. It reminds us that the depths of early motherhood are temporary. Even fleeting. Kids grow super fast. The time when they need us constantly and want us desperately is very short indeed.

Someday, probably without even realizing it, you’ll wake up and realize you’re the old you again. So to my dear friends who might be reading this. Please do keep in touch. I promise I’m still here and still care. And hopefully will be me again soon.

Have you struggled with maintaining friendships as a mom? I’d love to hear how you navigated things. And of course, you must be sure to check out all the other mamas’ experiences. You can read about them by clicking the links below.

Ave Styles / The Refined Woman / The Effortless Chic / The Sweetest Occasion

For our entire Real Talk, Real Moms archive CLICK HERE.

Real Talk, Real Moms: A Brighter Future

Business of blogging

Politics. I don’t talk about it on this site much. Sure, I’ve mentioned it here a time or two, but I’m very aware that is not why people come to Apt34. But politics is also impossible to escape. You can’t escape the headlines. You can’t escape the commentary on Facebook (unless you delete the app I guess), but most importantly, you cannot escape how it affects your daily life. Because it does. So today we’re going to talk about it. Our Real Moms group decided together that those who wanted to should tackle this topic as part of our Real Talk / Real Mom series. After what the presidential election put our nation through, I think we could all benefit from a group therapy sesh! So today we’re each sharing our personal stories and takeaways as it relates to the election. Because if politics is anything, it’s personal. But I want to be clear. My goal today is not to preach. Nor to proselytize. Nor cast blame. That’s not what this post is about.

While I’ve never attempted to hide my own political views (if you follow me on Twitter you should be well aware of my leanings!), my hope is that this post is helpful to anyone, regardless of your political allegiance. I don’t know if I’ll achieve that. I’ve received criticism from some readers for expressing my political views – saying this site is a place for inspiration. On the flip side, I’ve also been accused of being shallow and out of touch by not tackling this topic head on. I realize you cannot make everyone happy, nor should you try, but the current state of our nation makes it impossible for me to stay quiet. So here we go.

I’ve yet to fully process my thoughts and feelings since Nov 8. It will probably take me weeks, if not months. As a white woman with means, I benefit from that privilege. This is not the case for millions of others. I have to go on record to say that I consider the misogynist, homophobic, racist, xenophobic rhetoric used by the president-elect’s campaign incredibly sad. It is divisive, manipulative and corrosive. Even dangerous. It is a stain on our national political history. But I also understand why people voted the way they did. Our government is broken. It’s done little to serve the interests of regular people for decades. You can lay blame in all kinds of directions for this dysfunction. But no matter the root of the problem, it is one of the major reasons the Trump messaging appealed.

But the reasons behind the election’s outcome are not what post is about either.

Few people know this, but I spent the first 10 years of my career working in politics, from the national to the local level. So rather than get into ideological debates, I want to write about what you can actually do to make a difference. It can often feel like one person doesn’t have much power. It can feel like our voice is small and doesn’t carry much weight. It is easy to feel lost, despondent and ineffective. But that is far from the truth. No matter your political leanings there are a lot of things you, as a single individual, can do to make a very real impact on the world around you. This post is about a brighter future and how we might attain it. I’ve created the following political activism checklist – I’m considering it my own daily reminder – because we’ve now seen the repercussions of complacency first hand.

Teach your children the importance of right and wrong. Tolerance. Acceptance. Equality. A rejection of violence against women. That black lives matter. That love is love. And explain why. It starts with our kids. We can teach them to be better citizens of this world than we are.

Be informed. Perhaps the most depressing thing about the 2016 Presidential election was its reality show-like quality. The dialogue felt more like a he-said, she-said episode of the Bachelorette than a discussion of substantive policies that would help our country. It’s not always fun to do the work of being informed, but taking things at face value means you often miss the larger picture. There is nothing simple about governing. If the answer feels easy, you should probably question it. How do you do that? Read multiple news sources. Reject fake news (this list of questionable news outlets is a great source). Really listen to the other side’s perspective. When you share your opinion back it up with substantive facts. I think if we all do the work of returning to civil political debate and educated political discourse, our society at large will benefit. If you want to really dive into our post-truth nation, this piece is really interesting.

Broaden your horizons. Human nature dictates that we surround ourselves with the familiar. People, who look, think and act like we do. But that’s been a direct contributor to the current state of affairs. It’s too easy to deny someone else’s reality when you know nothing about it. So make a point to walk in someone else’s shoes. Travel. Even if it’s just to the playground in the neighborhood across town. Read about different perspectives (I like this book and this book). It’s also been proven that social media and technology addiction decrease empathy in children. And likely in all of us. But empathy is exactly what we need right now so try harder to connect in real life.

Make your voice heard. Tweets, Facebook posts and kvetching with your friends is all well and good, but to impact real change you have to make the people in power hear you. The most effective way to do this is to actually show up at their doorstep. Visit their offices, be it in the nation’s capital or the local office in your home town. When you’re face to face it’s pretty hard to be ignored. The next best thing is to pick up the phone. Our national representatives actually do have real live people answering their phones (I used to be one of them) and they take note of the issues their constituents are calling about. Call about political appointments. Call about specific issues (like marriage equality, health care, education). Call about specific legislation You can also write letters or emails, but those do get more lost in the shuffle. Email and mail backlogs are massive. If you need your representatives’ phone numbers click here.

Get involved. As I said earlier politics is personal. And it’s not a spectator sport. You have to get in on the ground level to really make an impact. This can happen in a myriad of ways. When it comes to impacting what your elected officials do and think, show up at their Town Hall meetings. Talk about the issues that matter to you most. If you really care about the environment, attend hearings about local land use issues. If you care about education, sit in on the next School Board Meeting. Or look for ways to impact your local communities. Volunteer for a nonprofit that supports an issue you care about passionately. Better yet join their board. Or organize a fundraiser, a petition drive or demonstration.

Put your $ where your mouth is. If you cannot give your time, but you care deeply, consider giving some of your dollars. Nonprofits in particular always struggle for resources and there are a lot of nonprofits who are going to be putting in overtime hours of the next few years. You can also donate in the name of someone else – an excellent holiday gift! This is a great list of nonprofits to consider.

Impact 2018. You don’t have to wait for the next presidential election to affect national politics. The 2018 mid-terms is where we reelect our Representatives and members of the Senate. Right now Republicans control both houses. Most of our Representatives and Senators are incumbents. It will be interesting to see how they react to the new political realities. Will they stand by issues we care about? You can do a lot to impact the 2018 elections. You can volunteer in local campaign offices. You can doorbell. Phone bank. Put a sign in your yard. Talk to neighbors. Donate money if you don’t have time. And don’t forget to VOTE.

Don’t fall silent. Regardless of your beliefs, it’s impossible to deny that 2016 instigated vitriol I’ve certainly never seen in my lifetime. It feels familiar to our parents’ generation and the revolutionary 1960’s they lived though. We cannot turn a blind eye. We cannot go backwards. Human decency does not belong to one side of the isle or the other. So speak out when you see injustice. Speak out when you see someone’s rights being violated. Speak out when you see discrimination, mistreatment or bigotry. We owe it to our children to fight for that pie-in-the-sky ideal – that we are all indeed equal and can have equal opportunity for success. I have a feeling that if we stopped watching as much reality tv and instead paid a little more attention to real life we might not have gotten to this place.

So that’s my checklist. These are the things I’m commiting to do in a proactive, intentional, shout it from the rooftops kind of way. I hope one or two ideas might have inspired you. To check out everyone else’s take on where we go from here, head to their posts. I certainly can’t wait to read them.

Ave Styles / Design for Mankind / The Effortless Chic / The Life Styled

For our Real Talk/ Real Moms archive CLICK HERE.

We will now go back to regularly scheduled programming.

image via here

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